Someday, I will have the figures to stage this:
King Arthur sits and broods on his throne. Guinevere enters, and asks what troubles him so?

That Saxon Horde, That Saxon Horde,
I do not like That Saxon Horde.
With Saxon Hordes,
I'm really bored!
They flail about with axe and sword,
I do not like That Saxon Horde.

Guinevere sits next to her liege, and asks: Do you like them less than Scots?

I do, I do, I hate them lots!
I hate the Saxons more than Scots.
They flail about with axe and sword,
I do not like That Saxon Horde.

Guinevere sighs and persists: Do you hate them more than the French?

In fact they are worse than the French!
They prey on man and beast and wench!
I hate the Saxons more than Scots.
I do, I do, I hate them lots!
They flail about with axe and sword,
I do not like That Saxon Horde.

The Irish? the queen did then pursue...
Are they worse than Saxons to you?

The Irish are more Celts, it's clear.
They're like the Scots, but with green beer.
And so I must conclude I fear
Hibernians less than Saxons, dear.
In fact they are worse than the French!
They prey on man and beast and wench!
I hate the Saxons more than Scots.
I do, I do, I hate them lots!
They flail about with axe and sword,
I do not like That Saxon Horde.

So what will you do? Sit here and stew?
Or a strategy will you construe?

I'm not too sure what I can do,
But I know I did not send for you!
It's something I must think quite through
And form a tactic new and true.
Women, though they're good with bread,
And patting children on the head,
Cannot lead armies since they dread
A single drop of blood be shed.

The Irish are more Celts, it's clear.
They're not the forces that I fear
The Saxons are worse than the French!
They prey on man and beast and wench!
I hate the Saxons more than Scots.
I do, I do, I hate them lots!
They flail about with axe and sword,
I do not like That Saxon Horde.

With that the queen quickly withdrew.
_I_ think that she was mad...do you?

But as the king did watch her go,
On his face a smile did grow.
For he knew now what Saxon's feared,
And the smile of his was soon a leer.

And so word went across the land
Pants and leggings were all banned!
Men and women were now required
To dress in Kilts, the King desired!
One more thing until further word,
The beard was banned, and all men should
Make sure their cheeks were smooth and good.

When next the Saxons came to raid
And up and down the shore they bayed,
They'd grab up booty and a maid,
And make way to the camp they'd laid.
They'd raise the skirt and to their eyes,
Full half the time was a surprise!
It wasn't worth the fighting, then
If you stole a cock when you wanted a hen...
And so the Saxons left Arthur alone,
Because of a thought he had on the throne
Watching his wife in her angry tone.

SO it should come as no surprise...
To married men that seem so wise,
It's a song that's old, I'll just reprise:
When we succeed, it's because of our wives...







Season three Index





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