Anthraxed 002


Oh. Well, then, you and your ladies will be my guests until I can figure some way to wrest some profit out of having you.	Selling you into slavery or having you sell my brand of Vampyre fashions drawbridge to drawbridge to work off you indebtedness. Something will occur to me. It always does.

Yep. That’s an evil villain plan. Meanwhile, what sort of chaperone system will you be using with your guards?	Chaperone?

Yes, an unsullied princess is worth far more on the open market than a suspect one. Are you taking steps to preserve your investment in time and ‘planning’ to reap maximum rewards off of each damsel?	Or are you just out to ruin the virgin princess market for the foreseeable future?

Oh, you don’t have to worry about my guards hankying or pankying with the prisoners. They’re much more likely to eat then than….date them. It’s really in your best interests to stay inside the red velvet safety ropes.	If you get out of here alive at all, your girls’ purity is easily demonstrated by the fact they have no tooth scars on the meaty parts. Take her back, Alphonse.
At the Dungeon Entrance:
	I, Prince Charming of Greater Treadmill, do swear to lay my very life on the line in the interest of rescuing the ladies of-

That’s fine, I’m sure. Charming? How many in your party?	Uh, six...

Excellent. Any non-humans? That’s extra.	Well, there’s the dwarf, and Arwen’s an elf.

Fine, fine, any magic users?	Magneto..

That’s Gandalf! Gandalf!	...and Aragon and my Squire complete the team.

Alright, take this scrip to the cashier, leave the keys to your stallion, and your dungeon entry time is four PM at the Green Arch, got it?	Four Pea Emm?

Oh. Um, Yea, verily, dost thou set forth at one hourglass past the ringing of Nones, be ye able, else forfeit thy place and must pay the register fee oncely more time. Veritable?	Yes, thank you.

The Dwarf has a name, you know. Why do you say ‘the dwarf’ all the time? ‘The Dwarf’ is getting a little tired of it.	NEXT!

M’Benga, of Ethiopia. Party of five.	Any non-humans?

No.	What about the dwarf?

That’s a pygmy.	Is he fully grown? Then he’s a dwarf. Nonhuman fee applies.

What if he’s not fully grown?	Then the mandatory insurance for taking a child into a dungeon applies, and it’s ruinous.

Okay, he’s a dwarf. Do we have to call him 'The Dwarf?'	No. Any magic users?

Well, The Sage has a greater understanding than most men about how the unseen universe works-	Does he invoke any supernatural beings?

Yeah, sort of, he speaks to the…	Magic users have to pay a registration fee, teams with clerics get a discount. The King figures anyone that takes care of their own wounded is doing him a favor.

Oh, then he’s a cleric.	And the half-orc?

Um, yeah. Half-orc. Sure.	Fine, take this to the cashier, kickoff at 6. NEXT!

Zeena, party of five.	Any non-humans?

No. One thief, one witch, two fighters, one bard.	Any men?

No.	Hmmm. I'm gonna give you the second start, Prime plus an hourglass

Any chance of first start?	You wouldn't want that one. At Prime, the monsters are the surliest. Might as well cover the adventurers in Barbeque sauce. After the first group sets them off, you'll breeze through.

So, who's got Prime?	Saving that for the next adventurer to slap my butt.
At The Kickoff:

Hey, guys, good luck with the delve.	Oh, thanks. We really lucked out with the first slot and all.

Is it me, or does anyone else smell mesquite?	What's she talking about?

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