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Y’r Ma’hesty. We have come from Fraaance to make peace b’tween R two kingdomes. Are yew in-trace-ted in peace-filled co-existens?
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Yes, certainly, our dedication to peace in our time extends to all our neighbors, in every direction, except towards Saxony, of course. |
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Whell, den, par-aps yew wood be wheeling to paht wit something, as a token of yor dedication to such a piecing?
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Such as? |
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Whell, our king he is mareed, but par-aps yor daughter could be provided as a concubine too his ma’hesty? Until he grows weary of her, and her disgusting Ingleesh cooking?
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Gentlemen, what say you? |
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This insult cannot be withstood! You should declare WAR! |
At the very least we should boycott their restaurants! |
WAR! |
War, where we shall die, if we must, with out teeth sunk into their throats…
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Nonsense, she’s just a girl. What’s a girl between neighbors, especially in the cause of peace? |
T’ank yew so much, Arthur King. |
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Six months later: |
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Arthur King, my Liege has wearied of playing patty-the-cake with your daughter, and has sended her off in the Piece Corps. Par-aps yew wood be willing to part with some else thing, as a token of yor dedication to the piece cause?
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Such as? |
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Whell, our king is fond of weapons, and you have that really, really, shiny sword Excalibur?
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Gentlemen? What say you? |
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Sire! No, Excalibur is the source of your kingship! |
Let us go to France and ride our horses on the left side of the road! |
WAR! |
Bloody war, where our blood will course so hot it shall boil our very skin to the texture of leather armor…
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Pshaw! I am the King by birthright, the fact that I and I alone could draw Excalibur merely served to prove my royalty beyond any question. If we were to show our interest in Peace, then holding onto a WMD (Weapon of Magical Destruction), would destabilize inter-kingdom relations.
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T’ank yew so much, Arthur King. Ah, that reaches the very spot. |
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Six months later: |
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Arthur King, my Liege has broken Excalibur using it as a bottle opener. Par-aps yew…
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Such as? |
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Whell, our king is fond of mysterious artifacts, do you really have a need for, say, Stonehenge? The Uffington Horse? Mebbee the whole Salisbury Plain?
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Gentlemen, what say you? |
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Well, it’s only a few tracts of land... |
..and no real tourist industry yet… |
It’s a dangerous precedent, Sire! |
...and the last man standing feels the accolades of the ravens as they pluck upstaring eyeballs from friend and foe belike.
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FOOLS! The land is the SOURCE of our power! Our rule is BASED on the land! We are bound to the soil by blood and sinew! Who advises such a trade dies as a traitor! |
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DIE, FOOL!
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It’s a fair cop-ARRRRGH! |
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We sail with the tide! Any man that stays behind will be buried with his bar tab!
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Arthur did indeed sail with the tide, and caught the French army completely by surprise. His march up and down Gaul was a textbook example of Tactical Genius, Military Superiority, and Unrivalled Debauchery. His victory was dulled, though, by the fact that he did not catch the French lawyers by surprise. It was shown that a precedent of appeasement was established in prior dealings. Sudden turnabouts, while strategically effective, were poor diplomacy in international relations. Paying restitution and greens fees very nearly bankrupted Arthur, and left him ill-prepared for facing the Saxon party in the next invasion election. Thus he turned to a traditional money-making endeavor: Delving in Dungeons for forgotten treasure. | |||
